0) because i can: pre-debut seulgi with exo https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DvaOAfNU8AIenN-.jpg interestingly, there's nine of them in this photo. perhaps there's a timeline out there, equally weird and shitty fandom-wise, where it's only kris and lay who leave, and this is the exo they're stuck with. but it either means sehun left, or never got to debut with them at all and got stuck in nct lmaooo. but seulgi is still with red velvet, ofc. grew a few inches, but still a shorty, lol. it's hard to reconcile Small Seulgi here and the Public Construction of Seulgi from subsequent years, post-debut. styled well, everyone looks like a Tall Person to me.

1) fandom_wank's disappearance from the web is really a big loss for collaborating on tracking fandom fights, how shit has gone down in people being shits toward one another. Things like fandom_wiki don't cut it when it comes to the many sides of conflicts and grudges. anon memes are messy and unsearchable and so easy to troll. tumblr is too ugly and untrackable. twitter is full of death threats and wildly uncheck behavior in general. reddit is power hungry mods or power lacking mods. lj/dw/journalfen: modding and journal posts and comment histories with things like usernames and posts are visual landmark types of things that make it easier to find information on past grudges etc.

2) the many facets of being a fan for me, is 1) the work aka the music, the book, the show/movie. 2)the personalities of those behind the work. (2a the public life. 2b the private life.) 3)fanworks that are derived from either/or one and two. but music has another dimension? which is promotions of their songs, which is a mix of 2-2a-2b.

3) trying to decide if i should drop that last facet mentioned, the promos aka 2/2a/2b. coming to the conclusion that altho they're around the same age as shinee and btob, exo is something i should try to unstick from, esp the fan discussions. there's a LOT of byun baekhyun fans, it's overwhelming. he's difficult to avoid. i don't know if i can stop reading exo fanfic because i'm a fic junkie, and there's just SO.MUCH.CONTENT. i do want to keep listening to their music, out of spite for hubris of a shitty set of fans online, and lucky for me tbh seems exo music releases are few and far between. (have no interest in their jp music, as usual for me re most kpop acts.)

4) at like, fifty-two whatever centimeters, peniel's shoulder width is still the widest of kpop guys. the widest in exo was like, forty-nine? i don't know what jonghyun's shoulder width was, though. but i do know he fucking worked it.

5) i have a group of tabs related to jonghyun post-death, and still haven't gotten myself to read/watch them. smtownglobal tweet. how shinee fans found strength in one another in the year since singer jonghyun's death by elizabeth de luna. and a message from a metafilter user who thanked me for making an obit post about jonghyun, and reached out to me on jonghyun's anniversary. i really, really have to reply to them.

6) i still can't get over peniel's comment about his first thought about our seo eunkwang. "he must be good at what he does" I JUST SMILE AND LAUGH EVERY SINGLE TIME I REMEMBER IT KLJDFLKSADJDSFKJ SO MEAN SHIN DONGGEUN PENIEL

7) so proud of myself for finishing a fic, 9k, in two weeks. a pinch hit!!!!!! yeah! i haven't been able to bring myself to re-read it yet dkjlfdjkafd;kjlfd i wanna tho, re-read it. maybe fix it up a bit. idk. no one has engaged with it so far, and idek if there have been hits because those are hidden from me too. but it's fine. just happy that my friend liked it a lot n_________n

20190104 eta: put strikethroughs in the unnecessary splitting of hairs lmao god wailt